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Posts Tagged With ‘ Sean Leary ’

 

If You’re A Human Being Living On Earth, You Need To Read This

February 22nd, 2021

Welcome to the column for all carbon-based life-forms. If you breathe oxygen, this is for you. And if you live on a planet, especially Earth, well, then, you’ve come to the right place. Sorry, but I’m just following the new trend in advertising: casting as absurdly wide a net as possible. Products used to be advertised to a fairly specialized base. Each ad could be counted on to pander in its own unique way. You’d have your commercials aimed at seniors, in which someone sincere who was on TV when it was still seen only in black-and-white would give a testimonial about the product. Said commercial... Read More

Forget Q-Anon, It’s Time To Go Down The Rabbit Hole To Discover A New Conspiracy Hero, S-Anon

July 17th, 2020

Listen, I’m not going to say that Kanye West dropped out of the race for President of the United States just because I announced I was running. After all, I’m writing this, not reading it out loud. But I do find it coincidental that after I announced I was running for president last Friday, within days, Kanye suddenly dropped his 2020 campaign. Kanye announces his brief run for president before backing out because he’s scared of running against me. Hmmm. Suspicious. Kind of like a lot of other behavior by famous folks lately. Perhaps you’ve been hearing about some of it. Certain big-name... Read More

Introducing… The Video You Deserve: The Greatest Music Video Of All Time!

June 15th, 2020

It’s Monday. Yeah. We feel you. And so, we’re debuting a new feature. This feature. And in this feature, every Monday, we’re going to give you a music video. A fun, funny music video. Something that’ll make you smile, make you laugh, make you reminisce, and make you realize that back in the day, music video creators were probably either insane or heavily intoxicated. But were also incredibly entertaining. We call this feature, The Video You Deserve, and you can find it here every Monday! And so, what video did I deign to be appropriate and deserving for our first ever Video... Read More

COULD `THE FORCE’ BECOME A RELIGION?

October 17th, 2018

Could “May the Force be with you” someday be more than a T-shirt slogan? Might it one day become the climactic phrase of a religious ceremony?   According to Hollywood lore, when the first “Star Wars” film became an outrageous success, George Lucas’ ambitious friend Francis Ford Coppola suggested that Lucas try to turn the philosophies of the “Star Wars” series into a religion. Lucas laughed it off.   However, given recent events, he may have to once more fend off Coppola’s insistence.   Since Disney bought the franchise, the “Star Wars”... Read More

From Sad Clown Paintings To Nudist Club Night: The Events That Don’t Get Into Our Calendar

July 19th, 2018

Every week, we provide you with a huge calendar of activities that will take place in the Quad-Cities area over the coming week. Because we love you. And because it’s our job … to love you. (The preceding sentence was written in tribute to the late Luther Vandross.) However, some calendar items we receive don’t make the list. Some are out of the geographic area. Some aren’t really entertainment. And some … well, some just don’t seem to fit in, if you know what I mean. For those of you who don’t know what I mean, I thought I’d provide a few examples.... Read More

Was David Bowie An Alien?

May 31st, 2018

Ever wonder what music made by an extraterrestrial might sound like? Apparently, kind of like this: “Let’s dance put on your red shoes and dance the blues…”   Which, if you play it backwards, sounds like this:   “Dance let’s shoes red your on put blues the dance and laser beam cattle rectums. . . ’’   Amazing how that works, isn’t it? And you thought only Selena Gomez wrote about laser beaming cattle rectums, didn’t you? Little did you know . . . Anyway, of course, the song I’m talking about is “Let’s Dance,” by Alf. Well, no, it’s... Read More

Why Do So Many Blues Musicians Have The Nickname “Little?”

May 17th, 2018

You’ve heard the expression, ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer. Well, ask several stupid questions, and get several stupider answers. Case in point: Q: Why do so many blues musicians, like Little Milton, etc., have the nickname “Little?” A: Because many blues musicians are descended from Oompa-Loompas. Blues music actually began with Oompa chocolate workers singing improvised spirituals bemoaning the harsh, sweatshop-like conditions in Willy Wonka’s factory, or as many of the Loopa bluesmen tagged it, “Stickyfingers Hell.” Some of the early pioneers of the artform, Little Willy... Read More

The Secret To Great School Pictures? Buttcheeks.

May 10th, 2018

It’s that time of year again, and if you have kids in elementary school, you know exactly what I mean. School pictures time. That’s right, that time when you get your kids all dressed up and tidied up and get their hair looking perfect and their outfits looking spot on and send them to school, and then six or eight weeks later you get a packet of pictures that features a child that looks fantastic, but has a look on his or her face somewhere between fear, disinterest and a desperate need to pee. I’ve been pretty lucky over the years in that my 10-year-old’s pictures have been pretty good. ... Read More

Can You Really Become Addicted To Videogames

May 6th, 2018

“Fortnite.” “Overwatch.” “God Of War.” Know anyone who plays those games? Know people who say, or demonstrate by their actions, that they’re “addicted” to those games? Think they’re exaggerating? They might not be. It sounds like a sci-fi scenario, but from a logical standpoint, you could become addicted to video games. Much like anything else addicting, all it would require would be repetitive stimulation of the right portions of the brain, creating a psychological and physiological need. And given the practice of playing video games,... Read More

FINALLY, An Answer To The Eternal Question: Do Ghosts Fart?

April 26th, 2018

The following column is excerpted from Sean Leary’s upcoming humor book, Do Vampires Poop? And Other Incredibly Important Questions, available in bookstores worldwide in September. By Sean Leary Ever walk into your house after you’ve been away, or walk into a room and notice a strange smell? Of course, once you do, you have to try to find it, because who wants a strange smell in their house? I’ll usually look for some dropped food or something behind or under furniture, and sometimes that’s the case. Some bit of stray potable that tried to escape and sadly discovered its motion was limited... Read More